I’m sure our readers (all three of you!) have noticed the lack of posts the last week or so. With various assignments and midterms to do, we at Double Technicals have not had much time to watch the playoff games too closely, let alone write about them. However, this hasn’t stopped us from wasting our time trying to figure out which NBA team would win in a hypothetical fist fight to the death. What began as a fierce facebook-chat debate has led to a 1500 word blog post, and here we are.
The rules: standard street fight with 5 guys a team. They can be any 5 guys on the roster, but to make it fair we stipulated that it should be (loosely) 2 guards 2 forwards and a center from each team. The winner is the team with the last guy standing (i.e. you fight till death/unconsciousness).
Here’s how we see the first round playing out:
HAWKS vs. CELTICS
Hawks’ five: Zaza, Ivan Johnson, Josh Smith, Jerry Stackhouse, Hinrich
Celtics’ five: KG, Pierce, Bass, Bradley, Rondo
The Hawks boast a crazy insane man in Zaza and an even crazier more insane player in Ivan Johnson. If you didn’t know about Ivan Johnson, check this out. He’s definitely somebody you don’t want to fuck with. The Celtics’ leader is a man known to pick on small European players, and mostly lets his mouth do the fighting. Not gonna lie, the Hawks guards probably won’t even need to fight as Ivan and Zaza take out the Celtics by himself. But if they are called into duty, Jerry Stackhouse is one of the most feared players in the league with the beatdowns he dishes out.
Rondo is pretty fearless, as evidenced by the time he tried to step out Ron Artest in the 2010 Finals, but let’s be honest his arms are skinnier than my dick. And while everyone talks about how tough Pierce is for surviving the multiple stab wounds in that nightclub fight in 2000, everyone knows a true G woulda pimp slapped the knife out the attacker’s hands immediately. Plus he needed a wheel chair after getting a widdle boo boo on his knee. Pussy.